Christmas Poem

Christmas time has come again,
It seems to come each year,
With trees and decorations,
And people full of Christmas cheer.

With all that extra shopping,
And all that extra drink and food,
All those crisply baked mince pies,
And mulled wined to get you in the mood.

It will soon be time for turkey,
And lots of Christmas pudding,
A feel good film on the telly,
And Christmas songs to sing.

So my message for those who have read this,
Is, may you be filled up with cheer,
May I wish you merry Christmas,
And a prosperous and happy new year.

BobD 2013

Twas the night before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house

Not a computer was whirring not even a mouse

The online shopping had all been done

Though the sprouts and the stuffing were barely begun

The children were nestled all snug in their beds

While visions of Playstations danced in their heads

And Mum in her Onesie was faint from the heat

And Dad pulled his musical socks on his feet

Then out on the lawn there arose such a clatter

I sprung from the bed to see what was the matter

Had inflatable Santa flown over the privet

Or the LED flashing elf done something illicit

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow

Gave the lustre of midday to objects below

When what to my wandering eyes should appear

But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer

With a little old driver so lively and quick

I knew in a moment it must be St Nick

More rapid than eagles his reindeer they came

And he whistled and shouted and called them by name

Now Niall, now Louis, Now Liam and Harry

Now you Zayn, on Simon, on Sharon and Gary

St Nick had made the X Factor connection

As his reindeer are named for the band One Direction

It wasn’t my B&Q Christmas Array

That I saw through the window just over the way

But then onto the house top the reindeer they flew

With a sleigh full of toys and St Nicholas too

And then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing of each little hoof

As I drew in my head and was turning around

Down the Chimney St Nicholas came with abound

Or doubtless he would have, but the truth be told

Our house is not terribly old

We don’t have a chimney, just a central heating flue

But St Nick, he still managed to worm his way through

Over the centuries he’s become quite adept

At working out where all the stockings are kept

As if by some magic he appeared by the Telly

With a smile on his face and a great wobbly belly

He was dressed all in fur from his head to his foot

And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot

He took a short step and then let out a shout

When he fell, having slipped on a peeled brussel sprout

Though he knocked over his sherry and squashed his mince pie

He didn’t get flustered or once lose his poise

His eyes – how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!

His cheeks were like roses, it must be the sherry

He spoke not a word but went straight to his work

And filled all the stockings then turned with a jerk

He waved a goodbye and without further ado

He hoicked up his cloak and was whisked up the flue

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight

“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a Good Night”

Skipping Christmas by John Grisham

John Grisham has turned a satirical eye on the overblown ritual of the festive season, and the result is Skipping Christmas, a modest but funny novel about the tyranny of December 25. Grisham's story revolves around a typical middle-aged American couple, Luther and Nora Krank. On the first Sunday after Thanksgiving they wave their daughter Blair off to Peru to work for the Peace Corps, and suddenly realise that "for the first time in her young and sheltered life Blair would spend Christmas away from home".
Luther Krank sees his daughter's Christmas absence as an opportunity. An accountant, Luther quickly estimates that "a year earlier, the Luther Krank family had spent $6,100 on Christmas", and had "precious little to show for it". Luther makes an executive decision, telling his wife, friends and neighbours that "we won't do Christmas". Instead, Luther books a 10-day Caribbean cruise. All goes well until people get wind of the Kranks' subversive scheme. Everyone, from Christmas card salesmen to horrified neighbours, besieges the couple with questions; what about the Christmas party, carols and the erection of Frosty the Snowman? Things start to turn nasty in the local neighbourhood.
Grisham builds up a funny but increasingly terrifying picture of how the tightknit community turn on the Kranks, who find themselves under increasing pressure to conform. As the tension mounts, will they ever manage to board their plane on December 25? Skipping Christmas is Grisham-lite, with none of the serious drama of earlier books such as The Pelican Brief, but a funny poke at the craziness of Christmas. --Jerry Brotton

Seperated at Death by J J Salkeld

A wonderful typically English book, a good read, great characters.

The teenage daughter of a wealthy Kendal family is found strangled in Serpentine Woods. This DI Andy Hall's third ever murder case and leads are hard to come by, and his personal life is in crisis. Meanwhile, his Sergeant, ex-Marine Ian Mann is faced with a very puzzling case, involving a local bad lad who suddenly seems to be scaling the ladder of criminality. Are the two cases connected? Can Hall and his team crack the murder case, and offer the very coldest of comfort to the bereaved family?

Separated at Death is the first in The Lakeland Murders Police procedural novel series, set in and around England's beautiful Lake District, and introduces the team of DI Hall, DS Mann and DC Jane Francis, a former research scientist and the newest member of Kendal CID.

Mat Coward's review of Separated at Death appeared in the Morning Star on the 19th of June 2013:

"If you like your police procedurals to be thoroughly British - and stuffed cover to cover with them - then I recommend Separated At Death by JJ Salkeld (currently only available as an e-book, £1.53).

The beautiful Lake District has plenty of problems the tourists don't see but even so Kendal CID's Andy Hall is rarely called upon to investigate a murder.

When the teenage daughter of a leading local businessman is found killed, with no evidence of a sexual motive for her death, DI Hall and his team look closely at her family and friends.

With the police suffering from austerity budgets and merger threats, Hall is painfully aware that the resources he spends on this investigation could mean job losses next year.

Separated At Death is a solidly plotted, well-peopled and a very enjoyable start to what looks like a most promising series."