Snippets

• Bob said will we get our life back now, my reply i wouldn't bank on it :)

   

  Yesterday my dad made me a cup of tea, i said no sugar, sweetener, his reply -too late- my sugared tea was the best tea i have had in ages :)

Microwave Recipe

I bought a book today from Papworth Hospital - Celebrity Cookery Book - to raise funds for the Papworth Charity, this recipe caught my fancy..............written by Dr David Stone - Medical Director.

Microwave Recipe

Go to Supermarket
Look on shelves
Buy something that can be cooked in the microwave
Go Home
Open Microwave door
Read Label
Put in packet and close door
Cook for designated time
Take out of Microwave
Put on plate
Voila!

Fly away

I was visiting my son and daughter-in-law last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

'This is the 21st century, old man,' he said.

'We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, you can borrow my iPad.'

 I can tell you, that fly never knew what hit it...........

Funny Stories

One Foot Off and One Foot on Dawn went out to serve a lady who was in an electric wheelchair, on asking if he could help her she took off her leg and gave it Dawn and said a pair of shoes to fit this please, the customer had two artificial legs, needless to say Dawn went a bit green, and her face was a picture. How do you try a shoe on an artificial foot, that has no flexibility, it turned out to be not as bad as she envisaged.

An email from the Phillippines (The mind boggles!!) I would just like to inquire if you are selling pair of footwear with vibrator that would be suited for my father who has been stroke year 2000. His motor skill is being impaired and his capacity to walk is being deteriorated.The flows of his blood in viens is seemingly stuck... Do you have any products available that would be suited for him to walk again or any foot wear that would be fitted for him? How much is the cost and what are the features of this product? Hope for your guidance. I am glad to hear from you. Thank you.

A Large One Please A man came into the shop, he asked for a pair of blue slippers size 6, when I showed them him He said "are these small, medium or large" I replied, "these are size 6 as you asked" He said "yes, but are they small, medium or large"

The size is erm........ A man came into the shop, he asked for a pair of slippers for his wife who is in a care home. I asked the size, you know as you would. He said "I think its size 6," then asked me "What do you think.?" I guess I should add mind reading to my talents.

A lot of bottle A lady came in the shop with a toddler and asked if we had a Microwave, I was too gobsmacked to think of a reply, so said yes, She asked me if I could put a baby's bottle in for 20 seconds. This was fun our microwave is of the manual type. There was another couple in the shop, we all had a good laugh when she had gone "Oh look, there's a shoe shop, let's see if they have a microwave"

The Brown Shoe Saga A lady came into the shop and Ken went to serve her, she said to Ken. “You’ve got a brown shoe in the window” Ken responded in his unique form “We haven’t” The lady was quite flustered and didn’t quite know how to respond Ken said “This is terrible” “You better show me, someone’ll get the sack for this”

Ken put his foot in it (again) One day Ken went to serve a customer, and on entering the shop, he said in his usual jovial manner “What are you looking so bloody miserable for” This poor little old lady said “I lost my husband two days ago” For once Ken was lost for words.

Tie it up Debbie served a schoolboy who wanted “a new pair of laces, because I can’t tie the ones I’ve got up”!! The mind boggles.

To slipper or not to slipper On Saturday Afternoon, a well heeled gentleman (retired Colonel) comes in wearing a pair of our cheap slippers, he would like a pair of cheap black slippers as he is going on a cruise so they can double up as bedroom slippers and be worn in the evening with a dinner jacket.

Mavis didn't feel like a chucky egg Picture a lady rep with lots of curly flyaway hair, a very short mini skirt, and high heels. Who is quite dozy and calls everyone Chucky Egg. The first time Mavis saw her and was referred to as Chucky Egg, she was not amused, she frowned and sucked in her cheeks, with disapproval, but of course dozy Chucky Egg didn’t notice.

A Call

I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world.... I told them to Get Lost.   Anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving.

Jesus Knows You're Here - A Funny

Jesus Knows You're Here A burglar broke into a house one night.

He shined his flashlight around,
looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said,
'Jesus knows you're here.'

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.

When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard… 'Jesus is watching you.'

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.

Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.

'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he is watching you.'

The burglar relaxed.  'Warn me, huh?  Who in the world are you ?'

'Moses,' replied the bird.

'Moses?' the burglar laughed.
'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'

'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'